he nodded and looked at the floor then back up at her. "I'm sorry...I had to stop...I dont know if I could have controlled myself much longer." He admitted quietly. He wanted her now more than ever, somehow he seemed to him like he loved her more.

she chuckled a little, " oh," she said smiling, " well...you do what you have to."

"So...are you going to tell me?" He asked carefully. Why had she gone in the first place? Why had she come back here instead of going back to New York.

she cocked her head to the side, " tell you what?"

"Why did you leave?" He asked quietly. "Why did you come back here when you couldnt do it?"

she set her cup down, " I left because it wasn't fair to you to be so attatched to me when I couldn't return the fealing. I mean...you love me so much and all I could give you was the phisical...not my heart and it didn't seem right. then when I tried to block it all out I was hurting you so much and I thought that the only way to help you for real was to dissapear all together." she looked up at him, "and when I couldn't do it. I couldn't bring myself to end my life...to dissapear...I thought of the one place I wanted to go back to, the only place I was ever relaly happy and I could call home..." she looked down again, " that was here. Sure James was in New York but so was Lizzy and you were here. I wanted to see you because you are part of why this place is home."

"And why is that?" He asked.

"Because you faught for me. you made me see that it wasn't all about me. it wasn't all about the next fix or the next great drunken phiasco. but you also didn't just...you didn't treat me like I was lost." she wasn't explaining it well at all, " most people who knew me either did it with me or condemed me for it. you didn't do either. you loved me through it and showed me that life could hold...so much more for me."

He smield and cupped her face. "It was worth it too." He said. All the heartache, all the times she snapped on him, it was all worth it now. Sure she still loved James, but to hear her say that, believe it...made it all worth it. He would do it all again.

she put her hands over his, " I'm glad you think so."

"I do." He said smiling. "I'd do it all over again if I had to."

she smiled, " well lets hope that you don't have to."

He grinned back at her. "Yes, lets."

she didn't think there was anything else that needed to be said. she wished everything could be right. it wasn't. she still loved James.