I need your help girls!!!!

CS Lewis has said it is impossible for a guy and a girl to be just friends, for at some point during the friendship one of the parties will develop feelings for the other.

Hey girls, the other day some friends and I were talking about some guys in our lives who are leading us on. They aren't doing it intentionally, they just dont realize that girls are quite as crazy as we are. It's not always their fault we misinterpret the things they do and say, just like it's not always our fault that they struggle with lust. The thing is, we're held accountable when we wear something that could cause a guy to stumble but they're not held accountable when they say and do things that cause our hearts to flutter when they say that they just want to be friends and have no interest in pursuit.

Here's the thing...guys struggle with physical lust- and as their sisters in Christ we're expected to do everything we can to help that...and we do that with joy. That may mean we give up clothes that we think- or that are- not that immodest and genuinely cute. We give up the attention they give to girls who dont care to guard their hearts. It means that everyday when we pick out our clothes we have to go through the "Is this too short...too tight...too low...too high?" It means it's hot outside and we have to wear 5 shirts, and long shirts, shorts or pants to keep our brothers from stumbling. We dont understand how they can think about sex every 3 seconds or however often it is, but we dress appropriately with joy in our hearts because we care about them, because we love them and we love the Lord.

However, if guys struggle with physical lust then girls certainly struggle with emotional lust. It seems to me that likewise guys should be expected to guard our hearts and minds by acting appropriately due to this. But they dont. Again, girls are expected to guard our own hearts. But honestly how is this even possible when some guy that you think you could marry gives you candy, rocks your rocking chair, buys you things, tells you how wonderful you are and how much he misses you? I'm not a feminist by any stretch of the imagination. I'm old school. I believe that men are the head of the household, the leaders in the relationship, should be the leaders in the church, etc. So when I say this, know that that's not where I'm coming from. What I am saying is that if we joyfully give up cute clothes and wear multiple layers and are constantly checking to make sure we are not dressing too suggestively (because let's be honest- there are cute clothes out there that we could wear if our brothers didn't struggle with lust) then our brothers in Christ, in effort to guard our hearts and even if it doesn't make sense to them, should watch their words and actions towards us in order to guard our hearts. If they just want to "be friends" then they need to take a step back and make sure their actions match their words.

What I'm trying to say is, if, in an effort to protect our brother's hearts and minds, women forsake immodesty, attention and cute clothes, then men, in equal measure, should purposefully consider their actions and words in attempt to protect the hearts of their sisters, even if that means terminating a friendship.

What we're doing about it and how you can help us and your brothers, help you:

We're not knocking guys, we realize they just dont know how to act appropriately. So we've made a website to help out. I dont know if you're familiar with tumblr.com. It's kind of like a blogging website. We've made one and we're going to post your stories and examples of how to act appropriately towards a girl you just want to be friends with. We're going to post these stories, quotes, pictures and videos. So if you have an example of how a brother has led you on, post it here or email it to us and we'll put it up. We are not putting guys down on this site, or venting. We are simply asking them to step up by showing them what is appropriate and inappropriate in a relationship.
Here are some examples of stories you can send us...

Example one:
My friend has this huge thing for a guy. It got so bad that she told him about it, wanting to be honest. He said he just wanted to be friends and she was ok with that. However as the year went on they spent a lot more time hanging out, studying and goofing off. At the end of the semester she commented how she wished she had kept a her book with all her notes in it from the class they had together. Before summer started he gave her his copy with all his notes and wrote an beautiful inscription on the inside. If you dont like a girl, dont give her such a personal gift- especially for no reason.

Example two:
I go in and write all the time at a local bookstore. I became friends with some of the employees...one who also loves Jesus and the written form of language, as I do. One day he expressed the desire to hang out while he was off the clock. He then took me to a beautiful lake where we walked around and talked about everything from Musicals to Theology. To this day I dont know if that was a date or not. Brothers, DTR- define the relationship. If you are hanging out as just friends- say so. If you are possibly interested in more- say so. Either would be fine, it just takes a lot of stress off.

Example three:
There's a guy my sister always hangs out with that she has a little thing for. She has a thing for him because he's always sitting by her when we hang out, buying her her favorite candy for them to share when we all go to the movies, rocking her chair, etc. Brothers, stop buying us candy and rocking our chairs. We dont need this from you it only confuses us.

Example four:
My friend had a guy friend who dressed up like Mickey Mouse for halloween and got her to dress up like Minnie. He picked her up and took her to a halloween party, but wasn't interested in a relationship. Don't take a girl to a party dressed as a couple- and definitely dont to that without any DTR.



We will then take these stories and post them on our tumblr. We may change it to lists of things that guys shouldn't do, or we may use them in the story form. We wont include names or specific details- we'll try to be vague so as not to put you in any awkward situations.

All we're asking is for a little bit of consistency when it comes to the guys definition of the relationship and their actions toward us. It's time to step up girls and hold the guys in our life accountable for their actions, and it's time for them to guard our hearts like we guard their minds.


to email your story: dontbeatumblr@gmail.com
tweet short donts to: @dontbeatumblr
(ex. @dontbeatumblr don't tell me how much you miss me and how you think of me all the time)
our site- which has nothing so far except a picture - dontbea.tumblr.com
(heart tumbles and headaches)

Thanks for reading this far Thanks for your help.

If you've read this far I hope you can tell that there's no bitterness here. We're simply tired of being unintentionally lead on and so we're letting guys know how to help guard our hearts- as much as it's our job to guard your minds it's your job to guard our hearts.