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 A star arising

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PostSubject: A star arising   Tue Sep 22, 2009 3:39 am

so this is a story idea that I came up with and I know its a very strange opening but I think it will get better. this is the prologue. Please let me know your thoughts


Prologue

I couldn’t look at her as she lay still on the forest ground. The shovel sliced though the hard frosty soil my digging beat steady as a drum. She couldn’t have been more than what, sixteen? So young, so much life ahead of her and then it just ended. Human life was so unbelievably fragile and with the war I had realized that to some extent, but now I understood it far and beyond what I had ever wanted.
Stopping for a moment I listened to the air around me. There would be no one stumbling across me here, digging this grave, at this time of night or in this part of the forest. Should I have left her for her family to morn over properly? Was I doing this to sooth my own twisted conscience? She had died at my hand and here I was giving her a burial. The shovel made little sound even as I dug harder than before. She had died at my hand. Saying it like that made it sound almost…excusable. There were so may excuses that could be put up to explain that away. It was her time. Fate dictated it. But the horrifying truth of the matter was is she didn’t simply die at my hand, she was murdered. There were those who might have me believe otherwise but I knew the truth deep inside my twisted mind. I had to do it. I had been compelled and overwhelmed with the need to take that beautiful life and snuff it out in a matter of seconds.
I threw down the shovel and stepped towards the girl. She looked as though she were sleeping. I knelt down beside her closing my eyes. If there was a God and he could hear me I prayed he forgive me and help her family. Lifting her as carefully as I could I stepped down into the hole I had dug and laid her in it.
“I’m so sorry,” I murmured as I stepped out of the grave and one shovel full at a time buried her into her resting place. This couldn’t go on. I couldn’t let this happen again even if it killed me. How ironic did that sound? I diligently filled in the gap I had dug in the forest of Wisconsin. I ran my hand though me short hair after the deed was completed. I was a monster, I realized that and there had to be a way to rectify that…to fix it, some how, and I was determined to find that way.
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PostSubject: I can't decide...help!   Tue Sep 22, 2009 4:18 pm

Prologue # 2


Explosions everywhere, men were running and diving into trenches wet with water and who knows what else. Chaos. Gun in one hand he tied a scrap of cloth around a comrades leg. He was fully aware that it would do little good if any but he had to try. He had to do some good in the middle of hell. Taking a deep breath he closed his eyes for a second. There she was. So beautiful just smiling at him her long brown hair cascading down her back as she pulled the last pin out to let it loose of the confines of her wedding day hair do.
*************
She bit her lip as she ruffled out her hair so it fell down her back and over her shoulders. He sat on the edge of the bed watching her, mesmerized. She looked down a bit shy of his looks when she felt his hand on hers.
“ Mary, I am sorry if I make you uncomfortable. I am simply at a loss for words. To think we are finally married.”
She smiled and looked up at her husband, “ Yes, I can scares believe it myself. Brian, I’m not experienced.” Marry confessed her eyes dropping to the floor again. He tucked a gentle finger under her chin and lifted it so he could se those amazing green eyes.
“ Nor am I. Some…some men prefer their wives to have a world of experience on their wedding day but I cannot tell you how glad I am that you don’t. We will learn together because like you, I have had no woman.” With that he stood and pulled her close, “ My love.” He whispered before giving her the sweetest kiss he could.
************
His eyes shot open, an explosion shaking the ground. A rainstorm of mud, rock, and bits of all else came hailing in on him and the comrade he was attempting to bandage up. The man was reeling in pain and in his delusion he cried out for his mother, his wife, for the sergeant to take him home. The trench would give them cover for only so long and then things would go one of two ways. He prayed that he would be allowed to see his Mary one more time.
*********
She smiled feeling his fingers softly touch her hair as she lay on his bare chest listening to the steady beet of his heart. She moved her head just enough to kiss his skin and her smile grew as his heart skipped a beat faster.
“ I’ll never get used to that you know.” He said after she had laid her head back against his heart
She chuckled, “ I hope not.” a second later she moved propping herself up to look at him, “ Brian, promise me something?” she asked very solemnly
He nodded
“Promise me that you will come back. After this terrible war is over you will come back to me.”
“ Mary,” he cooed cupping her face in his hands, “ of course I will. We will have years together. Not only these few weeks before I leave,” he leaned down kissing her slowly on her lips whispering as he pulled away, “ we will have children. And they will have children. And we will grow old together.” His face softened and his lips moved in the direction of a tiny smile.
“ Thank you.” She said a smile of her own tugging at the corners of her mouth, “ I still can’t believe my parents agreed to our marriage.”
He nodded, “ I know. Your father was so dead set on you having to be no younger than eighteen when you were wed and here you are only just seventeen and in the arms of your husband.”
“ I suppose it is the one good thing to come out of this war.” She said laying her head back down on his chest
“ Yes,” he agreed, “ it is.”

*********
The explosions were getting closer. Brian bit his lip. The man in the trench with him had gone the way of more soldiers than Brian would ever want to admit. He said a few words over the man and then set his mind on getting out of there alive. He had made a promise and he would keep that promise. He took a deep breath and with determination in his heart he sprang from where he was making his way back to shelter and eventually home.
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PostSubject: Chapter one   Thu Sep 24, 2009 2:26 am

It took a moment for her to realize she was the one screaming. Her lungs burnt with the exertion and she gasped trying to swallow the air whole. Once she was sure she was actually breathing it very quickly became shaky and panic like. She felt a trickle of wet run down her back and it made her shiver. Making her way across the dimly lit room of the early morning and stumbled into the washroom. After a few unsuccessful tries she managed to light the lantern. Her face was plastered in sweat and her hair matted down looked as though she had just bathed and not brushed it. she stared at herself for a long moment then sank to the floor against the wall and let herself cry. It had been just a dream. Just a dream, that was all. she couldn’t tell if she was shivering from the cooling sweat on her body or was she trembling from the excruciating thought that her dream could possibly hold an ounce of reality in it. More tears. She felt so helpless and she hated that feeling.
Standing she quickly brushed her damp hair and rolled into a bun at the nape of her neck. She slipped on a dress not caring that it was slightly matted though she knew she would get an earful from her mother. She wiped her face forcing the images her dream had conjured up back and hopefully out of her mind. It was still before breakfast time but this couldn’t wait. The need to talk to someone was overwhelming her at the moment. Her mother would understand, hopefully. Not even bother to make the bed, and that was very unlike her, she hurried out of the little cottage on the back lot of her parents Mississippi land. It wasn’t much by way of a home but it had been enough for her and Brian. Her heart lurched as her dream vividly began to replay in her mind and she started to run though the little wood that separated the cottage from the main house. She burst in the front door and only vaguely registered that the door had swung so far open it had loudly thwacked into the wall of the entry way.
“ Mom!” she yelled, “ Mom!”
there was a bit of clamoring and her mother came out her hair awry and in her night robe, “ what…what is it Mary?” she asked concerned
“ Mom, I had….” She felt the tears that had streamed down her face earlier come into her eyes again, “ I dreamt that Brian was killed.”
“ oh honey,” her mother drew her close and hugged her, “ Brian is going to be ok.” She said confidently, “ we all worry about our loved ones when they are away.”
Mary nodded though she didn’t really agree with her mother assessment. This had been so real.
“ we can talk about it in the kitchen while I get breakfast around for your father.” Her mother suggested letting her daughter go from the embrace and leading her into the kitchen. Mary sat down and watched her mother get out the eggs and some bread.
“ So tell me about this dream.” Her mother spoke up after a few minutes of silence.
Mary filler her lungs with air letting it out slowly then she spoke, “ he was…he was in the trenches. I don’t know where, but it wasn’t good. He was trying to bandage another man’s leg,” she shook her head, “ even though he knew it was no good. He didn’t want to just leave him there even though it was putting himself in more danger.”
“that sounds like him,” her mother said softly
she nodded, “ he did leave the man though and tried to get to cover but there was no cover. It was out in the middle of some field or plane or….there was just no where for him to go so he advanced shooting and doing what one man could.” She bit her lip looking down at the table, “ he ran out of ammunition and then started using his bayonet. He didn’t like it being at the tip of his gun so he took it off and used the butt of his gun as a club in one hand and the bayonet in the other.” She took in a sharp breath her bottom lip trembling, “ he was shot in the back.” She barely go the words out before the tears came down her face again, “ he was shot in the back.” She repeated, “ but he didn’t die right away. He just laid there calling for me.” She looked up to her mother tears flowing down her cheeks, “ and I couldn’t do anything.”
Her mother abandoned the sizzling eggs and in two strides she had crossed the kitchen and was once again holding her daughter close, “ Honey it was just a dream.” She cooed softly, “ just a bad, bad dream. Brian will come home.”
“ How can we be sure?” she gasped into her mothers shoulder, “ so many boys have…have…I can’t loose him.”
“ And you won’t. Sweaty you won’t loose him.”
Mary didn’t argue that point. She wanted him to come home more than anything. She wanted to see his face and kiss him and hold him tight again. She wanted him to know…she slowly pulled away and looked at her mom’s loving, caring eyes, “ I’m pregnant,” she whispered.
Her mother’s eyes grew nearly twice in size, “ what?” she practically mouthed the question with no volume whatsoever
“I…I’m pregnant.” Mary said again one hand lifting to her stomach. Unless you were really looking you wouldn’t have seen it at all but there was a tiny solid bulge under her dress.
Her mother smiled after the moment of utter shock had passed, “ Mary, why didn’t you tell me sooner?” she asked looking from her daughters eyes to her stomach and back.
“ I…I don’t know. Maybe I just thought that I wanted it so badly that I was making it up in my head. I wanted to be one hundred percent sure before I said anything.” She ran her hand over the tiny hump, “ and this is about the best reassurance as anyone could get.”
“I would have to agree with that.” Her mother said raising a hand to Mary’s, “ it took me and your father years before we were blessed with you.” She said her smile growing, “ and you…will be a mother at eighteen.”
“ Don’t forget,” Mary chuckled, “you will be a grandmother.”
“Yes I suppose I will be,” she chuckled
“ I have two questions,” Came a male voice from the corridor before her father appeared in the kitchen doorway, “ what is that perfect smell and what is so grand that is has the two most beautiful woman in the world smiling and giggling like that?”
“ Well, that smell is your breakfast Grandpa,” Mary said wondering if he would understand her meaning
“ I am not that old young la…” his eyes landed on their hands resting over Mary’s stomach, “ Oh…oh good God.” He said swallowing hard, “ Oh…Grandpa.”
Mary let out a full laugh this time. His reaction had been perfect. She walked over to him and hugged him, “ and I have you to thank.”
He looked puzzled his brow furrow wing up trying to understand his daughter
“you granted my wish to marry Brian before he departed for the front.”
“Ah, yes well, though I still think you are too young to be married and to have…to be pregnant,” he tried to sound scolding but the smile that peaked out from behind his black mustache gave him away completely. He kissed her forehead, “ My little girl is going to be a mother.”
Mary felt herself turn a little pinker in the cheeks, “ I will always be your little girl. No matter if I have ten kids.” She leaned up on her tip toes and kissed his cheek, “ always.”
“if you two don’t stop his breakfast will get cold and he will be late for work and I just might start crying.”
“ oh heaven forbid she cry,” her father said with a wink and then sat at the table
Her mother shook her head, “ that always did scare him.”
Mary chuckled, “ I’m going to go see if we have any post.”
“alright dear,” her mother said before she was distracted by something her father whispered. There was a giggle and his hand touched her arm as she turned to wash the fry pan she had used for his breakfast. Her mother smiled looking at him from ever her shoulder her eyes soft and loving. Mary turned to leave averting her eyes from her parents. She felt that she had intruded on some immensely privet wordless exchange. She slipped away from them closing the door with a gentle click. Her hand moved to rest on her stomach. Closing her eyes she imagined that it was Brian’s hand as he wordlessly awed over the fact that he would be a father. His blue eyes were glowing and his smile radiated unmatched by any light or power. She felt herself smiling at the image. He would come home and that scene would unfold. She took a deep breath, it would.
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PostSubject: Re: A star arising   Thu Sep 24, 2009 11:44 am

I am waiting for clarity on whether Brian the soldier is one and the same person as the murderer in the frosty forest.
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PostSubject: Re: A star arising   Thu Sep 24, 2009 1:57 pm

Well, we have to keep reading, Copperfox. That's the point of the first post. To get people interested and wanting to find out what's going on! =]]
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PostSubject: the rest of chapter one   Fri Sep 25, 2009 2:50 am

thank you guys for reading Very Happy



Forcing her hands back to her side instead of resting on her stomach Mary began to walk. She would eventually go see if they had received any post but that could wait. She needed to think and clear her head. It had only been a dream but it had shaken her so deeply. Every time she recalled it, it was as though she was standing there with him on the battlefield. She could smell the gunpowder burned her nose and throat. She could hear the other men shouting and crying out as explosions landed beside them and took the lives of their comrades. Never in her life had she dreamt so vividly. The ground moved quickly under her feet. She had no direction in which she was headed. Her eyes were fixed on her black shoes as they vanished and reappeared one at a time. The steady soft thud they made against the ground reminded her of something, it was a heartbeat.
*************
she watched him slowly get dressed and smiled, “ Brian come back to bed, please. Food can wait.” She assured him but he shook his head
“Mary you can try and convince me of that all you want but darling your stomach doesn’t lie and I heard it.”
She laughed, “ perhaps it doesn’t but I can wait just come back.”
“No,” he said lovingly, “ it won’t take but a minute to get a few things around.” He kissed her quickly then vanished into the kitchen.
She sank into their bed with a smile on her face as she waited for her husband to return with breakfast. The past few weeks had been perfect. He had worked for as much work as he could find until he shipped off and when he was home they hardly ever left each others side. Biting her lip she thought about the looming date when her husband would be heading off to the war. Oh this blasted war that had drug so many men into death. This war had made families fatherless, mothers sonless, and girls with no brothers, and now her husband of three weeks would be heading off to the front. She swallowed back the sickening twist in her throat. He would come back to her. he had promised and he always kept his promises. He had promised when they were but children that he would lover her till the end of days. When she turned sixteen he had promised that he would do everything to get her father to allow them to marry. Both promises he had kept without fail. Taking a deep breath she made herself forget her worries for the time being. He was here and she would enjoy every second of it.
“Well I did my best though I fear it isn’t much.” He said sitting down on the bed with a tray of toast, jam and two glasses of milk.
Sitting up she held the white sheet around herself and pushed her unruly hair away form her face, “ it looks perfect Brian.” She said with a radiant smile, “ thank you.”
He nodded and leaned in pressing his lips to hers. This time it wasn’t a quick peck. He held his lips to hers not wanting to end the moment. She dissolved at his touch letting her mouth move with his in a dance that they had nearly perfected. Every step was exactly as it should be and ever second of that dance was heaven.
********
she sat at the edge of the dock her legs curled up against her chest her arms wrapped around them. She felt like little girl again sitting like this. This had been the dock where she had met Brian when she was but eight years old. She had known him nearly ten years now. they had been such a troublesome twosome, making so much mischief their mothers had hardly been able to keep up with them. She rested her chin on her knees and sighed, “ Brian…you promised. Come back to me.” She whispered over the softly rippling water of the Mississippi
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PostSubject: Chapter two part one   Sun Sep 27, 2009 3:51 am

Annoying may not have been the word Mary was looking for as she walked down the street of her home town in Mississippi attracting the cynical eye of every woman that didn’t know her personally though it fit. Her stomach had nearly tripled in size the past few months while her height hadn’t budged. She was nearly eighteen and still only stood as tall as a young schoolgirl. She passed two women who looked at her incredulously and made the best of it with an innocent smile. One they were behind her she heard the harsh whispers that seemed to surround her so often now. Did no one know she was married? It irritated her that everyone automatically assumed the worse though they knew nothing about her. She tried so hard to not turn around and give those women a piece of her mind. She wanted so badly for Brian to come home so everyone would be painfully aware that she was actually a married woman and not a sinful fornicator.
She wondered where Brian was right now. She had been sending letters to him but only God knew if they actually reached him. She imagined that they did though her doubts were strong on that point. But she kept on writing faithfully three times a week. Even if he only got one letter it would be worth all the time she spent poring into pages and pages of news and how much she missed him. Her hand glided slowly over the sphere that was now her stomach as she thought about her husband and the father of the child. What would she name it? if it were a boy she would absolutely name it Brian without question but if it were a girl then what? She lost herself in this contemplation and stopped even noticing the stares and whispers that fallowed her.
Shifting her bag from one arm to the other she rounded the corner to the street that her parents house was on and paused. There was a car she didn’t recognize parked at the front. She proceeded a bit more cautiously to see who it might be. Soon the porch came into view and she saw her mother standing outside talking to a man she didn’t recognize at all. how odd, she thought to herself. She opened the squeaky gate and the attention of both her mother and the man were immediately drawn to her. she smiled uncomfortable under the gaze of this stranger.
“Mary this is Tim George.” Her mother said as way of an introduction
“Nice to meet you Mr. George.” She said politely though her eyes rose quizzically to her mother. Who was he and why was he here? That was the question she wanted to voice but she wasn’t about to be that rude
“ Mrs. Walker. So nice to meet you.” He said with a smile. Mary smiled back though the question she had meant for her mother was still plainly etched across her face.
“ How rude of me…yes…I had just introduced myself to your mother when you came up, I’m a friend of our husband.”
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PostSubject: Re: A star arising   Sun Sep 27, 2009 1:36 pm

OH NO!!!!!!! i can just guess wat the dude will say.
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PostSubject: Re: A star arising   Wed Sep 30, 2009 1:14 pm

Mary could feel eyes light up and start glowing, Oh thank God,” she almost gasped and without reservation or though flung her arms around the stranger, “ thank God.” She said again then pulled away but not ashamed by her unseemly manners, “ How…where…have you…is he alright? Where is he? Is he coming home soon? Has he gotten any of my letters?” the questions tumbled out of her mouth in a confused hurried mess.
He smiled but it was sad and his eyes, well his good eye, clearly relayed that but Mary didn’t see. She was too overjoyed of news from her husband to notice anything but good. He took a deep breath, “ he got a few letters and it always made him smile. He wrote replies but was never able to send them.” He pulled a stack of papers out of his breast pocket. They were soiled and tied together with a hair ribbon. Mary’s smile grew exponentially at the sight. There were no more than perhaps five letters and that was more than plenty. She took the letters and kissed them. The man swallowed hard, “ Mrs. Walker you husband was a good man and a noble soldier.” He continued his voice now colored with the same sadness that his eyes held
For the first time Mary’s smile lessened as she heard the taint in his voice, “ Sir?” she asked a knot in her stomach. What had happened? Had he lost a leg? An arm? And eye like his friend? Would he not be coming home soon at all?
He looked down at the hand he was crumpling in his hand, “ Mrs. Walker Brian…Brian was….” he shook his head unable to get it out,” he was-”
Mary shook her head, “ No.” she said soundly slowly shaking her head, “ NO!” her voice skipped through a few octaves making the sound painful to listen to, “ No…no he …he can’t no!” she as shaking all over uncontrollably. Her mother was at her side in a matter of seconds trying to wrap her daughter in comforting arms but Mary would have none of it. she stepped away from both of them her hand with the letter resting on her stomach, “ you liars! You both are liars!” she screeched at them backing away, “ Hateful!” was the last word she managed before dropping her bag and turning to run from the main house. She needed to write him another letter and tell him that the joke wasn’t funny. Was he in on it? her heart throbbed as it fluttered and pounded against her chest. Tears welled up in her eyes and spilled to her dainty cheeks. No, it wasn’t true and she wouldn’t accept that, she couldn’t. it wasn’t true. He was still out there somewhere. She collapsed just paces from the door falling to her knees in the muddy ground. A sob broke through her lips that had been pressed into a hard quivering line. No. this had to be a mistake…a mess up. Someone else had fallen and was mistaken for Brian. It couldn’t…be…he…another sob and she felt like her heart was trying to separate from her body. She leaned over her tummy wrapping her arms around it as if to protect it from the pain that now tore her in half. she needed him too much for him to leave…he promised hadn’t he?
“ you promised!” she wailed to the ground, “ My God! Brian you promised you would come back!”
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PostSubject: Re: A star arising   Wed Sep 30, 2009 5:49 pm

was it possible for a baby to feel the heart of its mother breaking? She could feel it kicking against her arms that were wrapped around its little cocoon. It nudged again letting its presences be known and that only caused Mary’s heart to fully break in two. How was she supposed to bring up this child without her Brian at her side? The sound that slipped out sounded very much like a moan and a choked cry. It was too much to think of…she would break completely if she tried.
Rising to her feet Marry stumbled forward till her hand reached the door. She managed to rake some splinters into her hands as she searched for the door handle. Her sobs were muffled as she kept her lips locked shut but her sight was so blurred she didn’t know if she could navigate the little cabin to the bedroom. It amazed her when she finally laid down on the soft mattress her and Brian’s bed. Now it was just her bed. a knew wave of pain washed over her accompanied by sad nudges from within. Burying her face in the pillow she wept.
Three days she lay on the bed only getting up when her body demanded it and to eat. She probably wouldn’t have bothered with eating if it weren’t for her baby needing it. She wouldn’t have cared at her stomach gurgling and turning as it searched for sustenance. But her baby needed it. The little piece of Brian, the only piece of him she had left, needed it. She needed to take care of the child though all she wanted to do was curl up and cease to exist. She couldn’t simply stay here and think of only herself. She had to help Brian live on. Three days she had been wrapped around her stomach trying to protect the tiny little life from the despair she felt. Three days she had mourned more fiercely than she felt a human being could. In this little cottage that had once been heaven to was now a bleak, empty dark place. For the first day ever time the child in her moved and touched her she would burst into a new spasm of weeping. When any other mother would have been smiling and caressing their child, Marry wept for its loss, for her loss.
It had been hours since she had cried last. Her eyes were no longer puffy and red and her breathing had steadied though it was still raged. She got up and stripped off the dress she had been wearing the day she head the news. Her hands moved mechanically as she brushed her hair and pulled it back tight into a bun. She dressed in a solid black dress pinning her onyx broach to her collar white lace collar. That broach had been given to her as a wedding gift from her father. She closed her eyes to try and keep the tears that threatened back. No more crying…no more crying right now. she didn’t have a black hat but her plain straw one would have to do. It didn’t have frills or flowers to make it look better. She had meant to dress it up a bit but never managed to set aside the time to actually do it. Now it seemed almost providential. Her attire was plain, exactly what she had wanted.
Crossing the little plot of land from the cabin to the main house was too arduous. It shouldn’t have been that hard to put one foot in front of the other. She felt like she was trudging through knee high mud. But she focused one foot, then the other. Two, three four, more steps. Deep breathes, one hand on her stomach. Seven, eight, nine, ten she stumbled over a little rock but caught herself. Twelve, thirteen...the front porch. She almost sighed in relief
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PostSubject: Re: A star arising   Wed Sep 30, 2009 10:13 pm

She rested against the railing of the porch. She took a few deep breaths and she focused on the door. She straightened herself with shear determination and walked into the house. Looking around she saw her mother’s hat at the door and coat. She was home and this lifted some speck of weight off of Mary’s shoulders.
“ Mom,” she called her voice shaking some. She cleared her throat trying to iron out the ripples, “ Mom.” There. It was steady and strong, well stronger at least.
“ Mary!” Her mother walked as quickly as she could towards her daughter and threw her arms around her, “ you had me worried sick.” She said holding Mary close.
“ I’m sorry,” she said softly into her mothers shoulder as she hugged her back, “ I never meant to worry anyone.” She hadn’t though much of worrying her parents honestly. She closed her eyes burying her face against her mother wanting to cry but not being able to. The tears were gone, all drained from her for now. she would not cry for a good long while. Standing in the entryway to the house, holding to her mother, Marry cringed into the fabric of her mother’s dress. A memory stuck her so violently and so unwelcome she physically felt pain in her mind and heart. She cried out before she realized she had done it. her mother pulled her away to see what was paining her. Mary forced her eyes open but the were wild and scared.
“ the dream,” she breathed. Her mothers bewildered expression simply showed she was not understanding what Mary was referring to, “ my dream…my dream of Brian…” she started talking so fast she would have put an auctioneer to shame, “ I have to find that man. I need to talk to him. did he say if he saw Brian at the end? where did he go? Has he been here since then? Is he still in the town? Or has he been shipped off somewhere again? I don’t think they would ship him off with his eye the way it is but who knows. If he is staying in town it shouldn’t be hard to find him.”
Her mother waited till she talked herself into a full circle and stopped, “ Mary why must you see him so badly?”
“ I just must. I have to. I need to know.”
“ Know what?”
“ Do you know if he is still in town?” Marry asked not even hearing her mothers question
“ He was here but an hour ago checking in on you.” He mother explained still completely confused.
“ Ah! He is here!” she started for the door and her mother fallowed her, “ I must speak to him.” she was in a frenzy everything whirling around her in a dizzying maze of memory and questions.
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PostSubject: Re: A star arising   Fri Oct 02, 2009 2:15 am

this story reminds me of the song Just a Dream by Carrie Underwood!!!
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PostSubject: Re: A star arising   Fri Oct 02, 2009 1:54 pm

“About what?” her mother asked as she wordlessly guided Mary. There was no stopping here that was plain to see so she decided helping her was the only course of action.
“Brian. I need to know a some things about….” She couldn’t say it. the word might make this instantaneous shell that was giving her strength fall apart. She couldn’t fall apart before she knew. She had to know for sure, “ its about my dream mom.”
“Mary, what…what are you talking about?” her mother asked her turning her down another side road.
“ the dream I told you about three weeks ago. The one I had about Brian.”
“ Mary you have had some dream about Brian nearly every day since he left. Which one are you referring to?”
Marry stopped and looked at her mom, “ the one I had of him dieing.” She said feeling her throat clamp up around the word.
“ What does that have to do with-” before she could finish had turned to walk again
“It has everything to do with it.” she couldn’t say more. she would break too quickly and too soon. Keeping herself together was too important right then.
Her mother didn’t press her any more as they briskly made their way to a smallish white house. It had an inviting front porch swing and the flowers were well kept and colorful. Something one didn’t see too often now. Mary looked over at her mom and she nodded leading her daughter up the steps of the porch to the front door. Taking a deep breath Mary knocked and waited. This was probably a mistake but that didn’t matter.
Seconds later the door opened and there stood the young man whose face was marred with a burn, it looked like, that he didn’t have covered this time. It showed the bad eyes sealed shut with a wound that was just beginning to heal. Mary swallowed back her initial reaction, which was to scream, and took a deep breath.
“ Mr. George I know this is sudden and very presumptuous and rude of me but I must ask you a few questions.”
His face rippled with confusion but he nodded, “ I’ll do me best to answer.”
She took another deep breath, “ Mr. George….do you…do you know exactly how my husband…d…died?” She hesitated a moment, “ I understand in war no one knows exactly but…how did they find him?” was she completely out of her mind?
Tim took a deep breath, “ fighting till the end.” he said sadly, “ I didn’t see him myself but I heard about it from a man who had found him and brought me those letters to bring to you.” He explained, “ I was in the infirmary when I heard the story.” He looked down knowing this would hurt her, “ he had run out of ammunition and was still trying to make his way up the line.” He shook his head, “ he had taken his bayonet off his gun and was using…”
“ his gun as a club.” She finished in a whisper.
He nodded in affirmation looking at her mother quizzically. How had she known?
Mary sank to the porch floor the shell that had been holding her broken pieces temporarily in place slowly began to crack. Her hands moved again as if protectively over her stomach, “ I knew it…I knew it.” she said in little sobs. She had seen him die months before they had had word of it. how cruel was that?
“ I’m so sorry,” Tim said no knowing what else to do. She had asked.
“ no…no thank you.” She managed as tears marked her cheeks, “ I….I needed to know.” Had she really? Would it have been any worse if she hadn’t?
her mother helped her to her feet and Mary nodded another tearful thanks over her shoulder to the young man.
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PostSubject: Chapter Three   Mon Oct 19, 2009 2:21 pm

I know it isn't much and its taken me forever but here is a little more.




Four months, six days and the hours, the hours she had lost count of. There were so many mornings when she awoke that she still believed Brian would be there next to her, living and breathing, alive. On these mornings in seconds she was reduced to tears and the indescribable pain that overwhelmed her upon the realization that he would never be there beside her again. He had said they would grow old together, that they would have more time then the few short weeks before he had been shipped off. These tears were still so strong, so violent that on these days she was unable to function for hours after. It was no way to live life. He would not have wanted her to be such a mess. She knew this and it helped in some measure.
Every movement she made felt sluggish and weighted. She slipped on her galoshes and her black dress. She would need to give up black one of these days, but not today. Pulling her hair back in a solemn single braid she didn’t bother making the bed today. There was no point. She had spent nearly half the day in the bed crying for her husband and there were only a few hours left before she would return to this bed. Making it made no sense now.
She made her way across the little plot of land separating her cabin from the main house. It seemed that once she had made the trek successfully from the cabin to the house the day held a rhythm and pace she could let herself be lost in. There were those days when she couldn’t cover the distance between the two houses. In those days, well they were dark and foreboding. Yet in what little mercy she was granted these days were growing fewer.
The front steps thumped hollow under he galoshes the sound echoing so much of what she felt. Taking a deep breath she pushed the thought, the empty hollow thought, to the back of her head and opened the door to her parents house. Her father’s coat was gone but there was another that she recognized in its place. Timothy George had fallen into the habit of coming by to check on her a few times a week. She had to admit, though seeing him reminded her painfully of Brian, it was good to have him concerned. Slipping out of her jacket she hung it next to Timothy’s on a spare peg.
Voices dribbled towards her from the parlor down the hall. She fallowed the little trickle of sound and found herself looking at a rather cheerful Timothy drinking tea while her mother was dusting. He stood as soon as he saw Mary his black eye patch making his smile look that much brighter. Mary felt a memory of a smile on her lips but it wasn’t much. Something at least. Her mother turned around and instantly crossed the room drawing her daughter into a loving embrace.
“ How are you today?” she asked her daughter
“ I am doing…” she thought about her answer. How was she doing? She would not pretend with her mother, nor in fact with Timothy either. He was so much like a brother to her these past weeks that she would not put on a farce for either of them. She sighed into her mothers shoulder, “ I am doing somewhat better.” That was the honest truth. She had gotten out of bed and come to the house, which was more than she could boast for other days.



to be continued.............
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PostSubject: Re: A star arising   Mon Jul 05, 2010 12:56 pm

Her mother nodded. This was a good step in the right direction for Mary though it was a small step. she wanted her daughter to smile again...even just a little. She couldn't imagine how her daughter felt and she didn't know exactly how to help her though she wanted to more than anything. after a moment more of silence Mary pulled away from her mom's hug but didn't sever the touch. she needed that...that feeling of human contact. the cottage had gotten overwhelmingly lonesome and now she remembered why, other than her husband being dead. every person needed physical contact of some sort. looking up she made eye contact with Timothy and took a deep breath.
"I'm sorry I haven't come by the house more often. Have you...been here long?" she asked one hand instantly going to rest on her bulging stomach.
"Not too long no and Mary, there is no need to apologize." he said with a reassuring smile on his lips, " I understand a little better than I think you think I do."
Mary nodded looking down. how could he presume to understand how she felt. he had never been married. he had never lost the one person he loved the most without saying goodbye. When Brian was getting on the train she had refused to say goodbye. she had told him she would see him again so there was no point in saying goodbye. Once again she felt the tears that had hardly stopped flowing for the last few months creep up on her quickly filling her eyes. her breath was short and shaky but she drew it in as deeply as she could and then exhaled, slowly till her lungs burned with lack of oxygen. then almost gasping she drew in another breath forcing the tears to stay at bay. she couldn't speak just yet or the tears that she was working so hard to contain would spill over. she wouldn't let them. she had cried enough. she had stepped forward even if it was just a baby step and she wouldn't fall back. Brian wouldn't have wanted that and she needed to take the next step. All she could manage was to look at him for a moment and shake her head. he had no idea what she was feeling, how dare he? Squeezing her mothers hand she took another deep breath and turned to go into the kitchen.
The stove top was still cooling off and the teapot had a hiss of steam gently swirling up from its spout. She stared at the line of misty white her second hand slipping under her stomach a protective motion she didn't realize she was even doing it. How could she protect this child from pain? What could she do to save it this agony ? Why had life dealt her this hand and thrown this child into the middle of the storm?
"Mary?"
She flinched against the voice coming from the door way even though it had been quiet and calm.
"I'm sorry." he said taking one step closer his cane tapping louder than his shoes on the floor.
still looking at the dissipating swirl she answered, " You have no right."
" No right to what?" he asked a little confused
" to assume that you actually understand what I am going through, Timothy."
he sighed, " I didn't say that I understood...just that I understood more than you might have thought."
she snorted, " splitting hairs."
Timothy leaned against his cane, " Mary, I said I understood because in so many ways I do."
"How dare you?" she hissed as the last bit of steam slipped off the rim of the teapot spout and vanished into thin air, " How dare you say you understand." turning to face him her anger flared taking its place beside the anguish she had been feeling since her husband died.
"Because-"
"How dare you! you don't understand Timothy!" her hands moved to protect her stomach even more, " You don't know so don't presume you are helping by saying you do! you were never married...you never lost the person you loved most! How could you understand? How could you possibly understand what its like to have that ripped away from you!" she was almost creaming now, " you don't! you don't so stop saying you do!" the tears were brand new now. they weren't the tears she had been crying over her dead husband, the father of her child. they were tears of anger, and presumption. How could he?
"Mary," his voice was still level and calm as he took one step towards her
" Don't!" she yelled stepping away from him, "Don't Timothy."
" I've held a man dying in my arms before. I've sat with men as then held my hand gasping for air because they didn't have the courtesy to just use bullets. they had to fill the trenches with gas that burns their lungs into nothing." he shouldn't be doing this to her. he took a deep breath, " I've seen death up close and personal so in some ways...very small ways...but still, I do understand."
The anger was quickly dissipating and she didn't like that. it was slinking away, leaving hurt to stand all by itself against her heart once again. he understood the agony of death but not the emptiness of true loss. He was half right. Her hands slipped to a different position on her stomach as the child moved inside of her.
"Its not the same," she said quietly matching his voice
"You're right." he nodded, " its not the same." he wouldn't argue with her. he had said what he had at the beginning to try and help but it had done more damage than good. He felt uncomfortable here and shifted his weight accordingly. Marry didn't look up from her stomach as her hands slid over it again.
"Well I...perhaps I should be going." Timothy said looking at Mary's mother then to Mary herself. he wanted to apologize and say something to help but he had a feeling nothing would. Mrs. Brandon said nothing as she got Timothy's hat and coat for him. The goodbye was silent excerpt for the door closing behind him.
"He had no right." Mary said quietly
Her mother sighed," He was only trying to help."
"Well, he didn't." she said shaking her head, " will the pain...ever go away?"
" Mary, I want to say it does but I don't know." her mother said honestly.
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PostSubject: Re: A star arising   Tue Jul 06, 2010 3:51 am

I hope that Mary doesn't end up chasing everyone away and then wondering why she's alone.
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PostSubject: Re: A star arising   Tue Jul 06, 2010 4:45 am

do you think she is in the wrong for what she said?
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PostSubject: Re: A star arising   Tue Jul 06, 2010 12:41 pm

Since she's only a fictional character, you're entitled as author to _decree_ that she's right. But in my real-life experience, many who will say to someone else "You don't understand!" are underestimating the other person's ability to empathize with others _even_ when experiences differ.

I am reminded of those who say that a Catholic priest _cannot_ possibly give any advice about marriage because he hasn't been married. Although I do not approve of forced celibacy, that sweeping dismissal is unfair to the priests. They ARE taught to understand things like loyalty, kindness, honesty and forgiveness--and these things are _highly_ relevant in marriage.
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PostSubject: Re: A star arising   Wed Jul 07, 2010 4:36 pm

"Nobody seems to know." Mary said sitting down on the sofa, " he didn't deserve to die."
" nobody ever does." she said sitting by her daughter. she wanted to be able to find those few magic words that would make everything better...make everything normal. how she missed Mary's smiling face and her endless chatter about fashion, and the newest invention that would, in her opinion, make it to the market. on so many things she was right and her mother didn't understand how her daughter knew so much about it but she had always encouraged healthy curiosity so why not? This wasn't to say that Marry didn't have her fair share of tea parties and fittings for the newest fashion. she had loved to buy hats then improve upon them as she saw fit. she had started to sew her own dresses usually creating the newest style in town. where was that girl now? her daughter sat there next to her with her hands on her protruding stomach her eyes staring off into something looking for someone whom she would never find.
"Maybe we should never have let you marry?"
" what?" marry asked her head snapping around to meet her mothers gaze, " no...no that would have been much worse."
" I can't see how." she sighed, " this way you would have a life left to live."
Mary shook her head, " I don't want another life mother. I'm glad I have this...this baby to carry on his...his memory." she stammered, " can't you see. if I hadn't been wed to Brian I would spend the rest of my life wondering what if. no this is much better. I loved him with everything in me and God granted me a gift that will carry me through this."
there in that little bit of conversation she saw a glimmer of her Mary again. perhaps there was hope to bring her daughter back from this cloud she had entered into. she watched Mary for a minute trying to see how her life would now proceed. a single mother with no source of income other than the few dresses she had stitched for a few of her friends. she was so young
" Timothy." Marry said suddenly.
" What about him?" her mother asked a little confused
"Timothy...he...did he say where he was going?" she was getting worried, agitated.
"what's wrong?"
"He's going to get...we...need to...I need to go find him." Mary stood up and walked over to where he coat was hanging. without a word she forced her arms through the sleeves and opened the door stepping out.
"Mary, what are you doing?" Mrs Brandon asked fallowing her daughter out the front door.
"I need to find him and...and...apologize." it was an excuse nay a lie to have her mother let her go and it worked. her mother didn't go past the front porch watching her walk away from the house faster than she had walked in months. she had to find him. it was just a dream, she understood that, but so was her dream about Brian and that had come to an excruciating reality. What if she could have stopped it. That thought made her knees buckled throwing her to the ground while dry sobs broke to her lips. she felt pain in her chest round her heart. what if she could have done something? that particular idea had never crossed her mind till this very second and it felt like it was killing her. if she had acted on her dream would her husband be alive now to hold her and to see his child when its time came to enter this world? she gasped against the fire in her chest then another face entered her mind right beside Brian's...Timothy. she opened her eyes and saw a man, perhaps in his fifties coming towards her.
"you alright there young Lady?" he asked kneeling down beside her
Mary nodded reaching out grasping the man's arm trying to pull herself up. the man held her elbow and her forearm getting up with her looking very concerned. taking a few deep breaths Mary tried to smile at the man but it turned out more like a grimace, " thank you."
"Are you sure you are ok?" he asked not letting her go
" Yes...I think it was just...I tripped and the baby was kicking. not a good combination." that explanation didn't seem to instill total confidence in the stranger but her let her arms go. her lips actually turned up managing a tiny smile this time as she started walking again. she knew where it was round about but there were plenty of places in town that looked the same. what if she were wrong and something happened to him? she shook that thought out of her head and kept walking. every step fell faster then the next till she was almost running. her shoes weren't good for this kind of thing but that didn't slow her down. she had to help.
Turning the corner she heard the chopping of wood and knew she was headed in the right direction. If she were right about this there should be a group of boys playing jacks. Mary looked up and down the street to spot the youngsters but couldn't see them. They should be here. Pressing herself to keep walking, she looked around her as she did just in case she missed something. there they were. Knowing that she was getting closer made her more anxious. she shouldn't know these things but her dream had been so vivid, just like the one about Brian. Dismissing that last thought she searched the streets for the man who had become a brother to her in the last few months. Had she been mistaken? it wouldn't have bothered her if she were. As that line of thought began to calm her down he walked into view. her heart rate spiked again her stomach twisting into knots. The steady chop, chop, chop, of the axe echoed in her ears louder with each strike against the dead wood. The young man chopping the wood was oblivious to what would happen next if he didn't stop of if someone didn't intervene. There was only one someone who could change anything that was about to happen and she began to run again.
Chop, chop and then the crack of the stump as it gave way to the strong blows. her feet felt like lead weights suddenly. Chop, chop, chop, clank, the blow had fallen just wrong causing the axe head to fall broadside against the wood. These sounds were too familiar. she knew every count that came after the next and she could count the seconds till it would happen. she remembered watching this unfold in her dream but there she had been unable to scream out, to stop Timothy from walking. Unable to make a sound or move an inch she had been in her dream and it felt like it was repeating itself exactly again. perhaps she would be unable to change the course of events. If that were so then why had she been given a glimpse of them? Chop, crack, thud, she could hear the split lumber fall aside as he set another piece on the chopping block. Mary watched stunned into silence. This couldn't be possible. Chop, chop, thud, chop, the young man straightened up before setting the next chunk of wood up to be split. Thwack! she took a step closer. Chop! Timothy started crossing the street. there was a pause and she knew she didn't have any time. The young man pulled the wood block off his axe head and set it up, balancing it so he could deal the final blow. Holding the axe over the half split stump of wood he started to bring the axe up.
"Timothy!" Marry shrieked. Timothy stopped and stepped out of the street back from where he had been standing. in that exact second the head of the axe was dislodged from the handle as the young man swung back for his final blow. the iron block flew back and past Timothy. if he hadn't stepped back just when he had. Mary felt tears again but this time they were thankful tears. Timothy looked at the axe head at his feet for a moment as the young man turned around.
" I'm so...so sorry." he apologized feeling the color rise in his face. he had been so certain it was on as tightly as it could be. Timothy nodded to him but his attention was quickly turned to where the voice had come from. she was standing leaning against a fence watching with tears running down her face. she had done it. She had changed what was going to happen. Timothy made his way quickly to her and with not a word wrapped her in his arms as any loving brother would have. her hands left her stomach for once and clung to him as tightly as she could. she had changed this event...could she have saved her beloved? She wouldn't think about that, not right now. now she blessed God for giving her insight and allowing her to save Timothy.
" Shhh.." he cooed as he held her.
" I'm so sorry for what I said earlier." Mary began to ramble, " it was wrong of me to yell as I did....I'm so sorry..."
" Its alright." he said resting his cheek against the top of her head
" No...no its not." she said pulling away slightly, " I should never have taken you....anyone for...granted...and the last....I should know this..." she sputtered grateful and overjoyed he was still there, " Brian wouldn't want me to be as I've been...I'm so sorry." what if she hadn't had the dream. that spiteful conversation would have been the last conversation she would have had with him. Every part of her ached at the though of it. she let herself burry her face in his shoulder clinging to him still. A moment passed without a word being exchanged and then in that silence both of them, with arms around each other, started to walk towards the Brandon's house.
Standing on their porch Mary allowed herself to let go of him finally. her hands didn't stay idle for long as they moved to rest on her stomach.
" I am sorry about what I said earlier." she said again
" I understand why you did Mary, its never easy...loosing someone." he replied his voice soft and full of understanding that she thought mightily misplaced. shouldn't he tell her how wrong she was and that it had been out of line but he would accept her apology anyway? no he wasn't that sort of man. He was very much like Brian in that way.
" How did you know" Timothy asked after a moment of silence
" Know what?" she asked a little confused.
"How did you know where to find me for one and second..." his voice trailed off because he wasn't sure how to fraise that. How had she known to call out to him when she did before the danger had even presented itself? it made no sense.
"I didn't." she lied, " I just wanted to find you and apologize for my unpardonable behavior."
he shook his head, " you screamed for me as if you knew I was in danger before I even was."
he didn't miss anything did he? Mary took a deep breath and looked down at her hands. could she tell him she had had a dream that told her what was going to happen exactly moment by moment? what would he think of her? he was a good catholic, didn't he believe in miracles? taking her time to organize her thoughts she tried to put it in the most logical light but the best way was to simply tell the truth.
"I had a dream." was her simple response
"A dream?"
"Yes, a dream that...that showed me exactly what was going to happen."
His eyebrows furrowed causing some skin to overlap the eye patch.
" I don't know how else to say it, Timothy, but I had a dream a week or so ago that what happened to day was going to happen exactly as it would have if I hadn't gotten your attention."
Now his eyebrows went up in half amazement and half disbelief, " you knew the future through a dream?"
" Is that so hard to believe. The prophets had dreams of things to come." she said before even thinking of what was coming out of her mouth.
"Mary, are you claiming to be a prophet?" he asked his tone stern and reprimanding though it was formed as question.
" No...no I don't...I just....its just..." how was she supposed to make him understand, " I had a dream is all...that's all." she wasn't claiming to be anything she wasn't just a girl who had a dream that happened to come true.
" well...I'm glad you were there either way." he said trying to dismiss what she had said. Mary just nodded in response. saying anything right now could put her into an even bigger hole with him than she was already.
" May I come by tomorrow to see how you are doing?" he asked feeling the awkward silence settle around them.
"That would be fine." she said nodding again avoiding eye contact. it was awkward now. what was he thinking?
" I'll see you then." he said and nodded almost formal and unfamiliar then walked down the few steps and turned to go back to where he was staying.
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PostSubject: Re: A star arising   Thu Jul 08, 2010 12:48 pm

This was all wonderfully lifelike. In the first portion, the portrayal of Mary rang true. If we have loved someone who was indeed worthy of our love, then whatever sadness comes with the love, we CANNOT wish not to have loved.

In what followed, you had me hooked, immersed IN the suspense right along with Mary. I was afraid that Timothy WOULD somehow die. I was relieved that he didn't. (Now, don't go and emulate those stupid "Final Destination" movies and say that he has to die a still worse death instead!) And the dialogue in the aftermath really was the way people would talk when a plain case of premonition had just occurred.
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PostSubject: Re: A star arising   Thu Jul 08, 2010 12:54 pm

Thank you Joe. I'm glad you think well of it and that does mean a lot
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PostSubject: Re: A star arising   Fri Jul 09, 2010 2:49 pm

Okay I'm liking it, though I think now you need to focus less on the whole grief side and more on the dream aspect. You've portrayed the grief well but any more would be starting to overkill, direct more towards the dream ideas and her and Timothy's relationship. Maybe she should start rebuilding her life a little more too. But yeah just some thoughts on how to proceed. But I've realy liked it so far, a really interesting idea. Smile
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PostSubject: Re: A star arising   Fri Jul 09, 2010 4:05 pm

it funny you should mention that because I already started writing my next chapter and that is exactly what I am doing Very Happy
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PostSubject: Re: A star arising   Fri Jul 09, 2010 4:25 pm

I thought it probably would be because you're such a great writer Smile
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PostSubject: Re: A star arising   Fri Jul 09, 2010 9:35 pm

In essence, this piece is good. It needs work though. Spelling, capitalization and punctuation were not correct all of the time, which made it hard for me to read. It needs to be tightened. Look through the piece and figure out what is absolutely important. This is a hard step, but it really makes the piece a lot more intense.
I think that with some work, this piece could be really great.
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