come on MJ

oh my...well now I have to post it

it will take a while to transfer....did you even read it on the TDL?

i started after you were WAYY into it so i havent caught up yet

ok well here is the first bit


She ran as fast as her feet would carry her, brushing past men and women alike. Her hair rolled down her back in a mess of tangles and curls, glances passing her way with disgusted tones.
“That child is positively barbaric,” she heard a woman comment as she ran past. On any normal day such a comment would have been met with a defense well planned and executed but today Susan had far to much on her mind to even look back. Splashing through a puddle of muddy water she dodged the people that cluttered the streets of London. If Maryet could see her now she would have scolded her for her unruly and unladylike appearance but she quickly tried to push that from her mind. Mayret would understand. Stopping at the side of the road she impatiently waited for traffic to clear and at the first opportunity darted across. A horn honked, some breaks squeaked, a few men were yelling, but that did not deter her for one second. She kept on running. Sweat began to trickle down her face her heart racing nearly pace with her mind. Her legs were burning and her head throbbed but she pushed herself all the harder for it. She had to make it there in time.
The crowd seemed to thicken at the train station doors, everyone trying to cram in before the other. Susan stopped as she reached the thick of the people out of breath but still trying to push her way through . People crowded in from all sides; however, she knew she had the advantage. She was alone and had no luggage making her progress much easier and faster. Pushing hard between two very large men Susan leaned all of her weight in to the small opening between them. Unexpectedly she found herself stumbling out on to the boarding platform. Gathering herself she looked around. Where were they? She wondered peering though the see of people. Climbing on to a bench she glanced over the hats of everyone searching for the boys.
“Peter!” she yelled her heart leaping at the sight of him. She had found him and Edmund at last. She smiled letting out a sigh, they were fine. Hopping off of the bench Susan began making her way towards her brothers. Nothing had all was well. Peter smiled at her as he too began to walk in her direction. How she had missed him. He and the rest had only been gon a few days yet it seemed like eternity.
Shrieking brakes filled the air as screams of utter horror shattering through her mind. Stopping dead in her tracks Susan watched unable to move. The train barreled into the station at full speed and then as if in water, slow and clear, the nightmare began. Falling off the track the train plowed into the platform shooting off bits of glass and metal into the crowd. The train cars crushed each other attempting to escape their inevitable ruin.
“PETER!” Susan screamed with all she had still frozen to the asphalt beneath her feet. Peter stopped. She saw Edmund turn towards her a strange smile crossing his face. He didn’t move. He just looked at her, until the train overtook him and Peter. “Edmund!” again she cried but there was no response. Looking down at her feet tears running down her face she saw two rings staring up at her, one bright yellow the other bright green. A strange humming noise rose from them that was irresistible. Susan had never seen anything like it before. Bending down as if the rings were pulling her she reached for the yellow one. Instantly as soon as her figure touched the smooth cool metal everything vanished. The train, the people, London all slipped away as she was rushed into darkness. Everything was gone except the pain and sorrow that grew every second more terrible and fierce. She could feel the ring. It seemed to weigh more than she did as it sat in the palm of her hand. “Peter! Edmund!” she yelled with all she had in her, but nothing came. The humming of the ring became louder and stronger. It hurt her ears but she couldn’t let it go. “Why?” she yelled at it, “Why?”

yay! thanks now I'll be able to keep up on here

Susan opened her eyes. Her heart raced as she felt around her. Her bed, her room, it had all been a nightmare. Rolling over she gazed at the clock on the little table beside her bed. 2:00 am. Sitting up she rubbed her eyes and stepped into her slippers. There would be no point trying to go back to bed now, she was wide awake. Taking her robe off the back of the little chair by her desk where she had laid it the night before she opened the door and walked silently to the kitchen. Her hair was stuck to the back of her neck and her face from the sweat that covered her whole body. Pulling her hair up into a ribbon she tried to calm the pace of her heart. It had been a dream but it had seemed so real. Too many nights had she been woken by this same dream. It gnawed at her more every night. An overwhelming sense of foreboding that she could not shake loomed over her.
She was as quiet as she could be filling the kettle with water setting it to boil for tea. She sat down at the table and rested her head in her hands. Closing her eyes she tried erasing the dream. She tried forgetting the shrieks that rose as the train overtook the people standing on the platform. She wanted to forget everything about the dream but the more she tried the more vivid it became. A hand softly rested on her shoulder. She didn’t look up.
“You alright Susan?” Lucy asked her voice no louder than a whisper.
“Yes, I’m fine.” her voice was harsh but she couldn’t help it. The pain in her head increased and the nightmare kept on getting worse as the nights drug by. Lucy readied the tea and set a cup of steaming camomile in front of her sister.
“Susan, I don’t mean to pry-”
“Then don’t.” Susan snapped before Lucy could finish her sentence.
“I care about you Susan. Even if you think I am crazy I hate seeing you like this. Susan, your eyes betray you. I can tell you haven’t been sleeping well.”
“Oh I suppose you could be my psychiatrist. Break down my situation, tell me exactly what is wrong with me within ten minutes, smile and tell me I will be fine.”
“Susan I-”
“I’ll spear you the trouble Doctor Lucy,” Susan said mockingly, “ I don’t need your help. You still laze about and pretend that there is a world somewhere other than our own with beasts that talk. If there is anyone of us that needs help it is not me. At least I have come to grips with reality, I’ve grown up. Perhaps you should do the same.” she wasn’t looking at her sister any longer but was staring into her cup that hissed up at her. She hated the way her siblings went on, “and to think I believed in it.” she muttered.
“ I’m sorry that is the way you see it Susan. The truth is...Narnia is real. If you believe it or not, that is your choice.” Lucy looked at Susan even though her eye contact was evaded, “ All I hope,” she stopped and thought for a moment, “What if you were to come to the professor’s with us. You know Edmund, Peter and I will be going there for a little reunion and it wont be the same without you Susan. Wouldn’t it be nice to see them all again?” She was trying, hoping that Susan would agree.
“Be nice spending days in a house with all of you grown men and women that still act like children? Is that your definition of nice, Lucy?” Susan was angry. Her head ached and Lucy was prying at her nerves. “Why can’t you understand that I am not the child I once was? I am not going to pretend with you about a land that only exists in your imagination. I have long outgrown such foolish notions and thanks to Maryet-”
“Maryet? You thank her?” Lucy was trying not to cry but her voice was cracking it was only a matter of time.
“She has been my one true friend though this insanity, Lucy. I can depend on her for her common sense which is certainly more than any of you can give me.” Susan looked up at her sister across the table. She took her hand, “ I am an adult and I must put aside childish games. It is high time you do the same.”
“ I have put aside childish games, Susan. I refuse to live a lie while believing the truth in my heart.” slowly Lucy arose and placed her teacup in the sink. Moving gently and noiselessly across the room she paused at the doorway and turned to face her sister,
“There will always be two thrones for the two queens of Narnia. If you admit it or not you will always be a queen and Narnia is real.” with that she disappeared up the stairs leaving Susan to her thoughts. She watched Lucy vanish around the corner and could hear her quite steps as she walked up the stairs. Susan gritted her teeth to keep from screaming. She hated the way Lucy made her feel every time they had an argument. She never fought back no matter what Susan said or did. Grabbing her cup she carried it over to the sink making herself set id down quietly instead of throwing it like she wanted. She turned on the water and let it run into the teacup until it overflowed. She watched the water bubble up and over the rim of the dainty china and run down into the drain. There was something frightening about Lucy’s faith. Her utter an total trust in these things...in Aslan the lion. Susan slowly turned off the water and placed both her hands on the rim of the sink. Narnia had been but a dream. A wonderful glorious dream, a game that they had all shared during the hardest times of their lives but that was all it was. It was time to grow up. It was time to move on and remember it as a fond childish memory that was all. “If you admit it or not you will always be a queen and Narnia is real.” Lucy was so convinced. But it wasn’t just her. So were Peter, Edmund, Eustace, the Professor, all of them held to the “truth” of this factitious place. Why? Why would grown men and women believe is such stories? Why? That seemed like the question of her life. She was asking it more and more with each passing day. With every nightmare and after every argument that question plagued her with no rest, no answer. She walked over to the doorway and as she left the kitchen she turned off the light. Darkness, total silence, alone she hated that feeling. She ran as quietly as she could up the stairs, into her room and jumped under the blankets. She pulled them up over her head curling up like a frightened puppy. Closing her eyes as tightly as she could she willed herself to sleep trying to make the day come sooner so the night would end.

Yay! cant wait for more

~ Chapter Two ~
The parlor was filled with young ladies giggling and making jokes as they sipped away at their midday tea.
“So, Susan, how was America the second time around?” asked a young girl with beautiful red curls.
“It was fantastic!”
“ Yes but what was it like?” Susan put down her teacup that she had just raised to her lips. She sat in silence for a moment as if thinking back to remember exactly what had happened then a huge smile crossed her face. She leaned into the circle as if to reveal the greatest secret.
“ I met someone.” The other girls grinned with mischief in anticipation of what she was going to say next. “He was the Smiths Nephew and he was grand. There was a gathering that the Smiths were going to go to but I had no escort. So as I was staying with them naturally they put us together and it was heavenly.”
“ It must have been. You know I heard that the American boys are the most devilish kind. Is that true?” asked Maryet. She had always been a mischievous one but also one of Susan’s best friends.
“I would not exactly say devilish but they do live on the edge. Steve tried to kiss me that first night.”
“No. You don’t say. What did you do?” Susan rolled her eyes and looked at the girl who posed the question.
“Anna, I jolly well did what any self-respecting woman would do. I told him that I hardly knew him and that he would simply have to wait.” “ Susan, you have always had that smooth sense of calmness about you. Honestly I don’t think I have known you to lose your head over anything.”
“ you might not have said that years ago.” Susan said with a grin.
“Yes, when all that nonsense your family was making actually got to you.” The two girls laughed heartily but stopped as soon as they noticed the rest of the room was staring at them blankly.
“You see, when mum sent us away while the war was on,” Susan explained, “ Lucy thought she found a magical wardrobe and that you could walk through the back and into a country called Narnia. None of us believed until…” her words trailed off as if she was lost in some other world.
“Yes and uh… she realized afterward that it was all a game and unfortunately her other three siblings still think that Nar…whatever still exists.” Maryet paused looking at Susan that still was in a bit of a trance. “Right Susan?”
“Oh yes, they are actually at the professors as we speak. Silly them, they need to grow up!” Susan hastily raised her cup, her hands were trembling as she thought back to so many years ago. Narnia had never been a “problem” till now but something about how Maryet said it struck a note deep down inside. She clumsily knocked her cake off the dainty plate that was resting on her lap. “Oh silly me.” She got up and rushed to the kitchen. Maryet smiled at the other girls and fallowed in hot pursuit. She found Susan leaning on the kitchen table with both hands grasping the edges.
“Susan what has gotten into you?”
“Maryet, I can’t take it any more.” Susan looked up tears filling her dark eyes as she fought so hard to keep them back. “I can’t do this any longer!”Maryet fixed her gaze on Susan and took a deep breath.
“What can’t you handle any more of?” she asked.
“Narnia…These lies that we have invented about it! I know what happened, I know…” Susan stopped, closing her eyes as the flood of memories poured in.
“Susan, dear, you know just as well as I do that all that was a game that your silly family coxed you into believing. You are far too grown up for those sorts of stories and ferry tales. You should be thinking about marriage and a family of your own. ” Maryet pulled a hanky out of her pocket and handed it to her friend. Susan reached out to take it as Maryet added, “Now after you’ve wiped all those silly tears away we can go back and join the other girls.” Susan looked up at the girl standing in front of her anger filling her glistening eyes.
“No, Maryet, these tears are not silly. The are tears of poorly spent time trying to convince myself that something that exists as truly as you are I, does not exist. I cannot pretend any longer that Narnia was a dream. Edmund may be gullible in areas but he is not stupid and if Narnia was but a dream he would have given up on it years ago.”
“Now Susan truly think about the whole thing. Talking animals…” with that she began to laugh. “Honestly, I think you have been spending a bit too much time with your siblings. Take a deep breath and take control of yourself. Narnia is no more real than…than fairies and goblins or whatever else there is out there. Your siblings are fools and you mustn’t be associated so closely with madmen, family or not. Think of your reputation.”
“No, my family, Peter, Ed, Lu Eustace and the rest that believe in Narnia are not fools or mad. They are willing to take risks and let themselves believe in something grater than themselves that they cannot describe as logical. No, Maryet, you have crossed a line that was not meant to be crossed by anyone. My family is the dearest thing to me. I have not acted worthy of them in light of my reputation but I love them dearly and in insulting them you have earnestly insulted me.” Both the girls looked at each other as if they could stare the other down into submission when concentration was broken by the ringing of the doorbell. Susan wiped her eyes with her hands, regained composure, and headed towards the door. She slowly opened it and cracked a smile at the mail boy.
“Good day miss. I’ve got a telegram for you.”
“For me?” Susan timidly took the paper extended to her and smiled again. “Thank you and have a nice day.”
“Same to you miss,” the boy said as he hopped onto his bicycle and rode off.
“What is it?” Maryet asked as if the conversation in the kitchen had never taken place. Susan looked up at her and in an attempt to be nothing more than civil replied, “A telegram from London.”
“London? Why whatever could that mean?” Maryet wanted to push aside what had just happened and this seemed like the perfect detraction.
“I don’t know” By now the rest of the girls had gathered around Susan in the foyer
“Well don’t just stand there, what does it say?” Anna prodded still chewing some of her teacake. Susan slowly turned the small piece of paper over and began to read.
“With regret to say train...” her voice trailed off as she read her eyes widening in disbelief. All the girls leaned in trying to hear what she was saying. Looking around Susan noticed the other girls and continued from where she was, “has derailed. All passengers killed.”

Susan just stared at the paper. A few horrified gasps could be heard as the girls all looked from one to another.
“How dreadful,” one girl said slightly covering her mouth with her gloved hand.
“Why did this come to you, Susan?” Anna asked voicing what all the other girls were thinking.
“No, no, it can’t be true.” Susan muttered oblivious to the question just asked.
“What can’t be true?” The girls were desperate to know why their friends color had so rapidly drained from her face and why she was just barely breathing.
“My…my brother telephoned just the other day saying that…that they were going to London for some reason regarding…”she stopped and took a deep breath. She slowly continued, “Regarding Narnia. And they were to take the11 o’clock train, which would have been the...” she stopped to calculate, the girls looking on in anticipation of what she would say next when Maryet skillfully broke the tension.
“See there is really no alarm it is nearly four o’ clock now. Peter and the others are fine there must have been a mix up in the telegraph addressing.” All the girls sighed with relief and filtered back into the living room but Susan grabbed Maryet. Very startled by the gesture, Maryet, stopped and cried out just a bit when the hand clamped around her arm.
“What is it?”
“Mother and Father were going to London and they were to leave at two. Eustace and Jill Poll were to meet Peter and Edmond today.”
“They could have been on any number of trains that go to London and it very well may not have been this one.”
“My dream...my dream is come true.”
Stunned Maryet stared at Susan.
“What dream?” She saw that Susan was about to answer but then stopped. She released her death grip on Maryet’s arm and rushed over to the telephone. Frantically she dialed a number then waited.
“Hello, can I possibly confirm a few passengers on the two o’clock train going to London?” Susan asked breathlessly. “Yes I understand but they are family. I need to know.” she was on the verge of tears now but the operator on the other line wasn’t cooperating, “Please. It wont take but a minute of your time. Please.” she stood there for a moment in silence then suddenly cupped her mouth with her free hand. Her face contorted as she subdued the sobbing inside of her and hung up the telephone. Steadying herself against the wall she closed her eyes trying to take control of herself.
“Susan, tell me. I can help.” Mayret sounded sincerely concerned for once. Susan shook her head her lips quivering with emotion.
“No. I am sorry, Maryet but you have helped me long enough. I will not be requiring any of the help you may offer.” She spat the word help as if it were poison.
“Why not?”
“Because…if you had not talked me out of believing in Narnia I would have been with my brothers and sisters right now!” The words rang out louder than she had meant and she could here the girls in the other room whispering amongst themselves. Raining herself back in she continued in a hushed tone but her voice caked as she tried not to cry, “But the truth is, I let you manipulate me into convincing myself that Narnia does not exist. Answer one question for me Maryet, how can I desire help from someone who tries to turn me from my family…to think of them as stupid.” Maryet was speechless at this sudden outburst. So long Narnia had been a game, silly to both of them and now she knew she was losing control. she watched Susan turn in silence and walk back into the parlor. Susan picked up her hat and coat of the couch smiled weakly at the rest of the girls and left. In a burst of anger Maryet jerked open the door that Susan had just closed behind her.
“Where will you go? You have no one.” Maryet called after Susan but she was ignored. Susan tried blocking out her voice. She couldn’t take much more before she completely broke and she would not give Maryet that satisfaction As soon she heard the door slam in furry Susan felt as though she could not breath. The tears welled up in her eyes once more but this time they spilled out onto her cheeks. Ducking into an ally way Susan leaned up against a wall and began to cry. She just let it all out and soon found herself sitting on the filthy ground. She wrapped her arms around he knees and placed her head on them. Maryets words rang in her ears, “Where will you go? You have no one.” She was right. Everyone was gone…dead, she was orphaned and family less. Think Susan. You must think. Clear your head girl you must think of what to do next. She fought with herself trying to think clearly but nothing came. The voice that had been her logic and reason for so many years was now against her. She felt lost and limp, like a puppet with no strings. That is all she had truly been, a puppet. Her mind wondered to happier times. Her body shook as the sobs made their way out. She missed them already. She missed them all.
“Mrs. McGuffy.” She lifted her head and looked around as if the words that exited her mouth had come from a stranger. “Mrs. McGuffy…yes I must try and get to her.” With this new energy and strength she got up, brushed herself off and began to walk. She didn’t look at anyone as she made her way yo the edge of town. With each determined step her feet carried her farther from everything she had known for so long and into this new life that had started so bitterly.
The road was dusty and the trek was harder than she had remembered. Only once or twice had Peter convinced her to walk this road with him and now she remembered why she was so reluctant. Her shoes were not the kind made for this sort of walking, in fact they were city shoes that country folk never bought because of their impractical use. If you or I had been walking that very road that day we may have thought that she was lost or her motor car had broken down because anyone in their right mind would never walk so far in shoes like those. Soon Susan sat down on the side of the road and slowly took off her shoes. Blisters were rapidly forming on her heals and toes. They stung and the dust that settled around them didn’t help at all. She tore the handkerchief that had been given to her and placed the small pieces of material on the sores. She slipped her shoed back on grimacing with pain. She didn’t want to keep walking but she had no choice. Taking a deep breath she stood back up and walked on. The sun that this morning was so welcomed as a break in the seemingly constant rain was now nearly blinding her. The road mercilessly glared back up at her as if to say turn back you’ll never make it. She was limping a bit now the blisters on her feet growing. She wanted to stop, sit, rest but she knew if she did would never get back up to continue her walk.
“Peter,” she began, “ I never understood why you liked this walk so much.” she tripped on a stone in the road and nearly fell catching herself at the last minute. “You always said it gave you time to think but all I can think about are my feet.” she said wincing after every step. She had to talk. It made it seem like this whole thing wasn’t quite so real. Each step became just a little harder than the last each minute dragging out just a little more. She looked up shading her eyes from the sun and there it was. She smiled a weary sort of smile her face still streaked from a few occasional tears that had slipped out during her walk. She reached out to open the little picket fence gate resting just for a minute against the dainty structure. It creaked quietly as she closed it behind herself as if to say welcome. A few more steps that was all she needed.
Frozen to the step she stood at the door simply waiting, for what even she did not know. Looming over her, the house was not as inviting as she had always remembered. It was not a very large house and in fact it had a nice cottage look to it. Anyone who simply passed by would instantly fall in love with it but Susan was not herself today. She dreaded going in and having to explain anything. Ask for lodgings like a common beggar? She was all alone now, so very alone. Would this old friend who had welcomed her family so many times welcome her now? This wasn’t just a weekend visit like before. what if she was turned out and sent on her way? Shaking her head at the thoughts Susan finally brought herself to knock on the door stepping back to see what response she would get. Everything stood still for a moment then she head a noise from inside. She’s home. Secretly Susan was almost hoping that she would be away but on the other hand all she wanted was to break down crying in the arms of somebody who loved and cared about her. The door slowly opened as an old lady peeked out to see who her visitor might be.
“Susan Pevinsie. Why, come in come in. you will get cold through in that wind.” Susan was able to conger up a smile as she entered the house. Frightened and drained she had the mind to collapse right there and begin to weep. Why not? She had no pride left. She stepped inside removing her gloves and looked around at the familiar surroundings. Dried fruits and herbs hanging on strings from the ceiling. Jars of pickles and sauerkraut stacked along the wall waiting to be taken to the cellar. The smell of fresh backed goods filled the air with its glorious aroma along with the smell of a fire burning in the hearth. It was the picture of a country home and Susan only now remembered how much she loved it here. Closing her eyes for just a moment she remembered another small home that had also been a haven in a time of need. A sewing machine in the corner of the little round hut with all of the patchwork to be done. She could almost see the little table that all six of them sat around listening to-
“Susan deary, teck off yur coat and sit dewn while I get yu some tea.” Susan was torn out of her revery by the old lady’s gentle voice. The woman hobbled off to set the teakettle on the stove. She cut some meat, cheese and bread to go with it. Soon the whistle of the kettle rang out and tea was on. Susan did not feel much for eating but she accepted the tea with gratitude.
“Nuw Susan, will yu tell mi what yu doin’ out here on a day like thes?” The woman’s heavy Yorkshire accent would have been hard to understand unless you knew her well, as Susan did.
“Well, I …I oh it’s no good.” Susan just started to cry. Once the Woman saw the state the girl was in she waddled over to her side putting her chubby old arms around her and kissed her head.
“Nuw Susan, thar thar. Joost tek yur time and then tell mi everithin’.”
Weeping Susan relayed the story to the fullness of what she even knew herself. The pain of having to retell it was great but the relief of being in the arms and home of someone who really cared about her was some of the greatest comfort. Here she did not need to put on hares, she did not need to pretend…here she could be as broken on the outside as she felt and it did not matter. The small arms of the old lady wrapped tightly around her, the chest that she now wept into, the soft but steady breathing that gently caressed the top of her head was so peaceful. Indescribably so, and Susan continued weeping till tears remained no more in her eyes and they finally closed form utter exhaustion.

cant wiat for more!

“Susan…Susan,” a soft but deep voice called her name and a strong hand gently shook her shoulder. Susan looked up and couldn’t believe her eyes.
“Peter!” She exclaimed and hugged him with the mightiest embrace that she could muster. The shear joy of him holding her again resonated through her whole body as she clung to him, taking in every moment of the glorious reunion.
“Susan, take a look around.” she didn’t want let go of her brother fearing that perhaps once she released him, he would vanish, even so she reluctantly obeyed. She kept here eyes on him as her hands slipped out from around his neck making sure he was still there. He smiled at her then nodded wanting her to look at something.
“Ed…Lucy…Eustace!” Susan exclaimed as she turned around. There they all stood…her whole family. Mum, Dad, everyone. Susan felt tears creeping into her eyes. Not tears of sadness that she had shed thinking them dead the past several days, but tears of joy and relief to see them alive and well. She ran from one to another giving them all hugs crying and laughing with all of them. The joy was simply too much to contain and it overwhelmed her. Now if you or I had been there we would have awed at what took place next but Susan had seen the likes before. Peter was dressed in the most brilliant of colors as were the rest. A golden crown rested upon his head, a bright blue cape draped over him royally the silver edges and patterns standing out like stars against the night sky. The others were dressed accordingly in the brightest, deepest colors of red, green, purple, and all the colors you can imagine.
They all looked different, older than she had remembered.
“I thought…I thought that you all-” “Died?” Lucy asked. Susan nodded. Lucy stepped forward and cupped her sisters face in her hands.
“Now, no more tears, dearest sister. We are together so there is no need to cry but come.” With that Lucy and the rest of them began to run down the grassy hill that they had just been standing on, Susan after them laughing silly like a little girl. Out of breath she stopped. Suddenly a pain greater than any other gripped her heart. Falling over she reeled in pain.
“Stop,” she moaned. In a flash the others were there at her side and Lucy had Susan’s head resting on her lap. She caressed her sisters trembling head trying to be calm but she could feel Lucy’s hands shaking. The pain seared Susan’s body and mind. She curled her knees up against her chest tears running down her face.
“Hold on!” Peter demanded. Lucy looked up at him begging him to do something, anything but his eyes were helpless.
“Susan, you will be fine just hold on. Look at me Susan,” Lucy pleaded. Susan looked up at her sister her eyes filling with tears. Closing her eyes Susan cringed again letting out a cry of pain. “Look at me Susan.” Lucy said Shaking her just a bit but Susan couldn’t open her eyes. The pain was too strong. “Hold on Sue!” She forced her eyes open just as everything began to fade and go dark. Then everything just stopped…no sound, no motion, perfect still. Such a lonely place, a meaningless existence, Susan knew she was alone.
“Peter! Lucy! Edmund!” No answer, not even the slight comfort of a soft breeze rippling though her hair. “Help me!” Susan hugged her knees, rocking back and forth whimpering, crying seemed futile in this place. Where was everyone? Where had they gone? Why…why me? Susan wondered, as this new, horrid place seemed to close in on her. Were there walls? It felt like they would begin to squeeze her any moment now if there were. Yes, she could feel them on her back, her knees, and her arms. Was she going to die in this place of empty loneliness? Harder they pressed up against her, forcing her to stand up.
“Help! Please…someone, help!” but no one was there. The darkness grew deeper by the minute, the loneliness be the second. The silence was defining. Alone again…why?

Her eyes stung as she opened them and some sweat dripped in. Rubbing violently she tried to get the salty sting out and finally succeeded. She sat up and looked around. Everything was dark and suddenly fear gripped her. This time did it actually come true? Was the dream no longer a brutal mind game but a truth and reality? Susan sat perfectly still trying to pick up even the faintest sound that would prove this new fear wrong. Then it came…the soft breathing and occasional snoring of Mrs. McGuffy. Soon more sounds and smells reveled themselves, reminding her of where she really was; the cottage on the outskirts of town. Now she remembered, all of it, Maryet, the argument, the telegram, the wreck, going to the morgue, and the weeks of dreams. The same dream repeating itself night after night every time slightly different but the outcome was always exactly the same…lonely. Abandoned with no one. She flopped back onto her bed folding her left arm over her wet forehead. She gazed up at the ceiling listening to the soft and friendly crackling of the wood in the fire. What a nightmare this had all been. Her whole life had been turned upside down in a matter of hours and it just kept on getting worse. She had gone to the morgue only days after she had received the telegram hoping that maybe it wasn’t really true. Could anything have been worse? Even the shock upon receiving the telegram was nothing compared to the hell she had gone through in that frozen horrid building.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
“ Are yu sure yu doont want mi to cum in with yu?”
“ Yes, I am sure.” Susan looked around and then back at the old lady. Those eyes…they knew that her cool front was just a farce. They knew that she barley had the strength to walk through those doors. They could see right past her and into her as if she were a book laying open. “ I do not want you to go in because you think you have to. I must learn to face things on my own.” The old lady smiled at Susan and took her trembling hand in hers.
“Yu er right Susan, boot yu can’t expect yurself to be fine right away auter what happened joost a few days agoo. Yu will have to learn to bi strong boot nuw is not the time to try and shew how tuff yu ar.” She stopped and placed one of her wrinkled hands on Susan’s downcast face. “ Deary, yu doon’t really have to do this at all if yu doon’t want.”
“ But I do have to do this. I must be perfectly sure that it is them, that they are in fact…gone.”
“Well then, dry yur tears and let us do what wi must do.” The two slowly approached the huge stone building that loomed over the street corner that it occupied. Cold, damp, the smell of formaldehyde filling the air, it was perfectly nauseating and Susan had to focus all her efforts on keeping her lunch in her stomach. She looked over at Mrs. McGuffy and noticed that she was not the only one struggling with the smell but moreover the idea of this place. It didn’t just reek of chemicals but it smelled of death.
Susan slowly walked up to the man behind the desk and took a deep breath. “ I am Susan Pevincy. Here to identify five,” she paused, “ five bodies.” The man checked some things on the paper and then started to walk. Susan slowly fallowed with Mrs. McGuffy right beside her.
The room that they entered was even worse than the first. It was tiled from wall to wall with a large table in the middle of the room. A few shelves along one of the walls were filled with all sorts of mettle objects. Turning her nose up at the thought of what they might be used for she placed her right hand on her stomach trying to make it stop flipping somersaults. Another set of double doors loomed in front of them and now the real test would begin. Susan felt like she was walking into an icehouse and pulled her coat tighter around herself. Both walls were lined with shelves and feet with tags of identification could bee seen from the main hall.
Grabbing Mrs. McGuffy’s hand she held it tightly. If it had been a hand not so accustomed to hard work it might have crumbled but instead Susan was meat with a reassuring grip. They soon approached the first body in question…it was Lucy. She lay there as if asleep with her arms resting peacefully at he sides. Her face had some bad burns and cuts on it. Susan pursed her lips as anger and grief swept over her. She wanted to scream and cry all at once but was unable to do either. It was as if the coldness of the room had frozen all of her emotions inside of her…at least for now. So it went on. Peter, Edmund, Mum, Dad, and Eustace, all of them were just laying there it almost seemed surreal to Susan. They were all within reach and yet none of them were there at all.
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Susan rolled over and swung her feet off the make shift cot that had become her bed. She had wanted to prove to herself that they were really dead and that visit had done it. She cringed at the recollection of the visit to the morgue. She suddenly felt cold all over even though the stove called out with warmth. The final funeral was to be the next days. Could she make herself go? she had barely survived the other 5 and now she wondered if she honestly had the strength to face the final good bye of her last remaining family. Well, of course she had her Aunt and Uncle Scrub but...no, that was a dream that would never come true. Slowly rising from her bed Susan’s bare feet silently moved across to the window. Pulling back the curtains she sat down on the window seat tucking her knees up to her chest and rested her head on them. What would happen after this? What would she do? Susan wondered as she watched the stars dance above her in the nights sky.
"Susan? is that yu?" the soft voice asked from the other room.
“Yes, ma'am." Susan could hear the rustling of sheets, the bed creek just a bit as the old woman got up. She walked into the main room and saw Susan sitting on the window seat gazing out into the night.
“What er yu tinkin uf?" Mrs. McGuffy asked as she filled the tea kettle.
"I don't...my family. I still can’t quite believe that they are really gone.” Susan looked over at Mrs. McGuffy who was now setting the table with two tea cups and some bread and jam. " you probably think me very childish. I should just...grow up."
"Nu. I doon't think that. Belivin that some one yu luv is gone is not an easi thin to convince our mind of." So understanding, so helpful, it fascinated Susan how one person could sympathize with every feeling that ever surfaced. If it was joy, grief, anger or anything else Mrs. McGuffy always had the right answer even if that meant silence
" I feel so lost." Susan said as she sat down at the table.
" I knu the fealin, Susan." startled Susan looked up at Mrs. McGuffy who was now pooring the tea. She had never said that about anything before. She had never claimed to understand anything that Susan was going through, till now.
" I...I don't understand. You know how I feel?" She felt stupid asking the question. Mrs. McGuffy sat down and looked Susan square in the eyes.
" I had a fmaily once. A husband and two wonderfell gerls like yu. " she smiled at the memory and sat silent.
" What happened?"
" Aboot 25 yirs agoo I lived in London with mi husband Oliver, and mi two twin girls, Maya and Sarah. "
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The streets of London were busy as usual and the general hum of noise flowed.
" Mum!" a young woman turned around at the sound of the little voice calling apparently to her. " Mum! Hide me!" the little girl ducked behind her mothers skirt and peeked out glancing around.
" Maya, who er yu hidin from?"
" Papa." Maya said in a whisper as she brushed her golden locks of hair out of her face. Gwen McGuffy smiled as the little round face pulled back behind her skirt.
" Mum!"
" Sarah, where is your Papa?" Without answering Sarah looked a ways up the street and there coming towards them was a tall muscular, handsome man. Gwen couldn’t help laughing when Sarah hid behind her as Maya had done.
" Gwen, have you seen the girls?" The man asked with a smile and a glance at the four blue eyes that were now peeping out at him.
"Nu, I haven't. " little giggles could be herd now as the girls listened to their parents play along with them. " Oh, Oliver," Gwen said with fake anxiety, " do yu think that the ugly ogre got them thes toime?"
" I don't know? I think they may be right...HERE?" with that Oliver grabbed a little hand that was holding on to her mother's skirt. Both the girls squealed. One playfully fought against her fathers hold on her hand as the other took off running across the park. Oliver handed the squirming girl that he had flung over his shoulder to her mother and began to run after her sister. Gwen and Sarah watched them run across the park and soon began after them. Maya kept a good distance between her and her father as she wove in and out among the few trees that were scattered about the park. She stopped at the side of the road looked both ways and walked on.
"Maya, come back." Oliver called after her as he stopped to catch his breath. Maya stopped turned and smiled.
"MAYA!" Oliver and Gwen both started to run but it was too late. The horses screamed as did the little girl but nothing could be done. Gwen stood there paralyzed. Oliver looked as though someone had stopped time mid stride. Then everything was shattered with the shrill cry of Sarah. The caddy wrestled the houses to a stop as they pranced around the body of the little girl that lay in the street. Oliver kneeling down reached out to touch the golden locks that now lay around her head like a halo. He lifted her up letting her head rest on his chest. Closing his eyes he tightened his arms around her. He could hear Gwen sobbing behind him but he couldn’t let go. He couldn’t do anything. He just sat there in the street holding the body of his little girl. Maya was crying too. Her knee was all scratched up from her fall when Sarah had pushed her. She didn’t understand quite then why momma and Pappa were crying. She didn’t understand why Sarah wasn’t moving. She would soon enough.
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Susan stared at her friend from across the table. Mrs. McGuffy was lost in the past as the memories of the bitter day were retold as she relayed her story. Susan saw that in body Mrs. McGuffy was very much sitting there in the little room but in spirit she was decades in the past.
"I...uhm...I'm truly sorry, I had no idea." Mrs. McGuffy sorrowfully looked up at Susan yet it was as if she was looking right through her.
"Susan, I em yur friend and as sooch...the rison I told yu aboot this is not to make yu fil sorry fer mi. It was so yu know that I understand what yu er goin through and that I em here to help yu every step of that way. " Susan looked at this woman...this kindred spirit and felt a sort of bond that she had never had with anyone. "Susan, dearest, please let us go to bed soo tomorrow yu can bi rested. " Mrs. McGuffy was exhausted from the memories she had relived that evening. She hadn’t told that story for nearly 25 years and it had taken it’s tole on her. Susan nodded obediently and after clearing off what had been midnight tea went over and lay back down on her makeshift bed at the far end of the kitchen by the stove. Soon she fell fast asleep

Susan stood outside the room where the caskets were. She took a few deep breaths and then boldly walked in. Breathing suddenly became a chore. Come on Susan, you need to do this. You have to do this. Susan thought as her feet once more started mechanically towards the coffin. As she approached she smiled despite herself. He lay there looking like he had at times before only now his hair was combed, he was dressed in his best Sunday clothes, and his hands were folded so neatly across his chest. She could remember back to the days when she had been sent to wake him. She had hated doing it but now she would have given almost anything to be able to wake him.
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"Susan, where in heavens name is your brother?" Susan looked up from her book that she was not really reading (for Susan was not exactly the studying type) and looked around the room.
" He's probably still sleeping."
" Well could you please go wake him. " Said Mrs. Pevincy. Susan, reluctantly but respectfully, set her book aside and headed to her brothers room. Peter was out with father about business and Lucy was helping mother get the cake frosted for the party. Edmund had the worst habit of staying up late to study and in the morning it was almost impossible to wake him. Susan walked up to his bedroom door, knocked a few times and waited for a response. Finally Susan opened the door and quietly made her way over to his bedside. He was on his back, his legs were hanging off the side, His hair was matted and his mouth was hanging wide open. What a sight. Susan thought as she smiled trying to devise a way to wake him. She bent over and lightly patted his cheek. No good. She tried again this time a bit harder. He mumbled something under his breath, rolled over onto his stomach, and went directly back to sleep. Susan was fed up, time was running out and if he wasn't ready in time Mum would be very upset. She knew it was time for plan B. of course it was not exactly fallowing in her habit of being ladylike but it was necessary for the situation. Susan picked one of his pillows up off the floor stood back and swung. Edmund jolted up like a flash of lightning. Susan stood there pillow in hand laughing almost uncontrollably. Edmund, realizing what just happened sprang up and started at her. Susan threw the pillow at him giving herself a little bit of a head start and through the hall they went.
“Don’t think your going to get away with this Susan!" Edmund teased. Suddenly as they both darted through the parlor into the front hall Edmund was almost knocked to his feet as he ran full on into Peter who stumbled back himself as he collided with his brother. Susan stopped and stared laughing afresh at the sight trying to catch her breath.
“Good knight, Ed! What is going on?" It was Dad. He had come in right behind Peter and was not happy. Edmund composed himself suddenly feeling very self-conscious, standing in the entry hall in his pajamas.
“Well, I...I mean we. Su and I...Su had woken me in a very, well interesting way to say the least." Susan who had been able to stop laughing and stand as a silent observer started to chuckle. Edmund hearing her smiled from ear to ear trying so hard not to laugh himself.
"Go, get dressed and from now on try not to jump your brother like that again. At least give him some warning next time." He smiled and winked at Edmund. As soon as he was out in the parlor and they could hear him talking to Mum the three began to laugh heartily.
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"You remember that Ed?" Susan glanced around to see if someone was watching her. No, the room was empty it was only her. She walked over to the only window in the room and opened the curtains, she could still see people trickling into the church. She closed her eyes and bit her bottom lip turning to face the coffin again.
"I remember...oh, how I miss hearing your laugh." She gazed down at the still face of her brother. She reached out and placed her hand over his and stroked his cheek with the other. “Ed, I am so sorry for being so rotten to you these past months. I was trying to be grown and logical and all you ever wanted was the best for me. That's all any of you wanted but I couldn't see it...till now." now her bottom lip was shaking and so were her hands. "I want you back...all of you! " Susan closed her eyes. She could imagine him smiling, Lucy giggling, Peter laughing, Eustace telling one of his horrid jokes, and Mum and Dad talking quietly in the parlor.
"I suppose what I am saying is, I am going to miss you so much, King Edmund the Just." she then bent over and pressed her quivering lips against his cool brow. A stream of tears ran down her cheek and fell to the silent eyes below. If you had walked in at that moment you would have thought that the still quiet eyes of the young man were crying. She gently wiped the streaks off of his face smiled and whispered, "Once a king or queen in Narnia, always a king or queen. I have not completely forgotten that once I was a queen but I will never forget that you are one still. Ed, you lived as a..." she began to choke up. She swallowed hard and stepped away from her brother, wiped her eyes, and began to leave. She stopped before she opened the door and glanced over her shoulder.
"Edmund, could you please plead my case to Him. Tell the rest I will miss them desperately. I love you."
In a land far, far away two sons of Adam and one daughter of Eve stood on the greenest hill the eye has ever seen and gazed into what you or I would call a portal. The daughter of eve reached out towards a young girl walking through a door in a church. She looked towards the two sons of Adam and the buried her face in the great golden mane of the Lion.
"Sons, of Adam come." The booming voice faded into a deep purr. He turned fallowed by the daughter of Eve and the older of the two sons.
"Aslan, can you..." The Lion turned to face the younger son of Adam. He nodded towards the other two to go on.
"What is it King Edmund the Just?" Edmund looked at the loving eyes of the Lion and then towards the portal. The young girl dressed in black was trying to strain against tears. The dirt fell with a thud on the wooden box with every shovel full. Slowly the hole began to fill up and the wooden box disappear..
"Aslan, can she come?"
"She forsook the memories of Narnia. She betrayed her family and turned from them. She denied me and said I was a dream. Tell me, does she deserve to come?" The young king removed his crown and held it up.
"I was a traitor, I betrayed my family and joined alliance with the very pit of evil itself against them, I proclaimed that you were an imposter, yet you died in my place and defeated death. I was forgiven and crowned king of the just. She is no worse than I." Edmund placed his crown on the ground at the paws of Aslan. The Lion smiled and growled as he spoke,
"Edmund, I told you once when you first became king...once a king or queen in Narnia..." there he stopped and looked towards the shadow lands, the land of pain and grief, oh yes and of joy and love.